I have experienced many forms of grief throughout my life; whether it was a loss of a loved one, loss of pregnancies, loss of a pet, loss of a friendship or even loss of a job. I find all types of grief have similar paths and a similar feel. Loss is loss. Some you feel much deeper than others. It all boils down to how you process grief and how quickly you can work through it. I also believe you never truly are cured or get past your grief. It stays with you for the rest of your life. You build yourself up around that grief and you are never quite the same. A piece of you has been touched so profoundly that it has left a mark on your soul. It's no different with a Pet.
My Rottweiler, Ramzi, had seizures starting from the time he was 4 years old. We tried everything from medication, to natural remedies, even as far as putting a gold piece into a pressure point in his foot. There was nothing I would have not done to help him. In the end we made the most excruciating decision to let him fly free. His seizures were no longer controllable, he started to fall down the stairs mid seizure and his personality was changing drastically. His and our safety needed to be taken into consideration. He was my heart dog and meant the world to me. As I sit here writing about him, I still well up just remembering our path. I never did forgive myself for not trying harder.
All of the thoughts that one asks themselves went reeling through my head. What could I have done differently? What more could have been done? We didn’t try hard enough. We shouldn’t have put him down. He was so young. We deserved so much more time with him. He deserved so much more. I miss him. I can’t get over this. He should be here with us. We made the wrong decision. It’s not fair. In the end, I know we did the right thing for him and how I know this is after his last big seizure he looked at me with his big brown eyes and they spoke to me. They said “I don’t want to suffer anymore, Mom. My fight is gone.” When you know, you just know. After that all I knew is that my best friend and confidant was nowhere to be found. He touched my soul and I am forever changed.
How did I move forward with this grief? I threw myself into looking for another dog. I researched and I went to websites. I constantly reviewed kijiji to catch the instant I fell in love with the image of a puppy. Yes, that is all it takes with me, that one image and the connection is made. It probably wasn’t the best form of therapy but that is all I knew how to do. I didn’t know how to process what I was feeling. I didn’t have the resources that are available today. I remember our vet gave us a pamphlet on grief but I couldn’t bring myself to look at it. Afterall I was ok and I was able to deal with this on my own. How wrong I was.
Everyone deals with and processes grief differently. There is not one proper way. You need to find what works for you. There are so many resources now. There are counsellors, support groups, friends, and loved ones. So many options for you to choose from.
Here is a list for you to consider:
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Kali’s Wish Cancer Foundation https://kaliswish.org/
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Your Veterinary’s Office. Some offices have their own Grief Counsellors on staff.
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Facebook - There are support groups on Facebook for grief support, you just need to look for the one that fits you.
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Strawberry Moon Counselling http://www.strawberrymooncounselling.com/pet-loss.html
I hope this will give you some ideas and you will utilize them when you need to. Remember to be kind to yourself. Don’t put any expectations on yourself on how you should grieve or on how long it should take. It will take as long as it takes. Just know that you are loved and there are people out there that can help you with your journey.
Sending love to anyone who needs it today.
Lisa
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